A brief stay in the kitchen can lead to a life of good health

How do you feel? If you’re like me, you don’t feel too good. You feel guilty because you gorged yourself from Thanksgiving through Christmas, and then, even though the holidays were over, there’s still plenty of snacking going on. I mean, you miss it, don’t you? You miss the pies and turkey sandwiches and gravy and all the trappings that go with them: family and friends and sparkling lights and a break from the job. You miss it like a drug, or that first girl you ever kissed when she finally broke your heart and dated that douchebag with the fuzzy mustache. And who’s not going to go back for seconds when you miss it like that? Plus, 2011 was a challenging year, don’t you think? And food makes us feel good.[1] So of course we’re going to overdo it a little.

To add insult to injury, you’re probably bigger or heavier than you’d like to be. It’s fine. Most Americans are.[2] And a lot of Americans are fat.[3] I know it’s an indelicate term, “Fat.” I know the proper term is obese or weight-challenged, or something. I know, too, that when Dr. Suess says one of two fish is skinny and one is fat, and that the fat one wears a yellow hat, it’s better language and more vivid than saying the one in the yellow hat is obese. Or the one in the yellow hat struggles with his weight.

When Dr. Seuss wrote One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish America’s obesity rate was about 13.3%. Today? It hovers somewhere over 30%. That’s a lot more people to take offense and get huffy over a single fat fish.

I understand it’s hard to lose weight. You have to eat right, and eating right takes time. You also have to exercise, and that takes time as well. You have to overcome weird hormonal imbalances and deal with doctors who don’t really have the time to deal with your individual physiological eccentricities, and who are trained to treat a single item in a list of symptoms, not really the whole you. It’s tough, but you can make it, and this can be your year. And all you have to do is learn to cook (or trick someone into cooking for you). Oh, and ditch the soda and eat less meat. And ditch breads and pastas. And lessen your portion size. And learn to shop. And move a little during the day.

Yeah, that’s it. But it’s ok. We’re here, and you can do this.

So, you ready? Great! Me too.

Q: How does wheat make us fat, exactly?

A: It contains amylopectin A, which is more efficiently converted to blood sugar than just about any other carbohydrate, including table sugar. In fact, two slices of whole wheat bread increase blood sugar to a higher level than a candy bar does. And then, after about two hours, your blood sugar plunges and you get shaky, your brain feels foggy, you’re hungry. So let’s say you have an English muffin for breakfast. Two hours later you’re starving, so you have a handful of crackers, and then some potato chips, and your blood sugar rises again. That cycle of highs and lows just keeps going throughout the day, so you’re constantly feeling hungry and constantly eating. Dieticians have responded to this by advising that we graze throughout the day, which is just nonsense. If you eliminate wheat from your diet, you’re no longer hungry between meals because you’ve stopped that cycle. You’ve cut out the appetite stimulant, and consequently you lose weight very quickly. I’ve seen this with thousands of patients.

via The Atlantic

I don’t think news like this means people need to eliminate wheat from their diets. Rather, they need to be mindful of how wheat is transformed into food and adjust their intake accordingly. 

I swear there’s some kind of awesome metaphor for caloric input into food and caloric output from food, which is translated directly to our blood sugar and waist lines, but I’m having a tough time coming up with something. I’ll work on it, though.

Labor Day weekend was a nutritional travesty for me. To help celebrate the three-day weekend, the start of college football, and the ceremonial end of summer (a big deal in Florida, I assure you), my wife and I went nuts and plundered the frozen snack section. We got jalapeno poppers, taquitos, buffalo wings, and all manner of processed, cheese-slathered appe-horrors you’d find on the late-night menu at the local T.J. McHooterkins. We ate them all, and on Sunday, we didn’t do our standard grocery list and menu plan. We didn’t do it on Monday, either. The four-day week that followed was nothing but id. Hamburgers and pizzas, Chinese food from the local take-out place, and I think one night we might not have had a real meal at all. That night, I think we just raided the kitchen for potato chips and bean dip and corn chips and salsa (not entirely horrible, but still).

I had heartburn that week for the first time in my life. It’s not fun.

The week after that wasn’t much better. In that haze of processed food stuffs, we just limped along. I made up the weekly list, but it was a limp-writed effort:

• Chicken, maybe
• Some vegetables, I guess
• Someone likes bananas

This week, though, we’re back on the wagon. I’ve raffirmed my commitment to eating real food, and decided to go a little heavy on the vegetarian fare:

• Sunday: Pork chops with potato wedges and collard greens
  • Set the collards to boil, fry the potato wedges in a little oil, and finally sear the pork chops
• Monday: I’ll be having peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in the car as I commute from Gainesville to Keystone Heights
  • There is no faster way to rob a first-world man of his dignity than to ask him to eat in the car.
• Tuesday: Lentil chili
  • Bring lentils to a boil, add chili powder and other seasoning, simmer for 20 minutes, add spinach, simmer for another 5
• Wednesday: Braised sausage with tomatoes and onions
  • Brown Italian sausage in a pan, add onions and sautee until softened, then add whole tomatoes, diced tomatoes and seasoning
• Thursday: Black bean casserole
  • Layer smashed, seasoned black beans with cooked bell peppers, corn and spinach
• Friday: Eggplant lasagna (thin slices of eggplant serve as the noodles)
  • Slice eggplant, layer with tomato sauce, ricotta and mozeralla cheeses, bake

It’s a good mix of Mexican and Italian influences (the top-two regional preferences in the house), and will leave plenty of leftovers for lunches through the week.

And best of all? Nothing has ingredients I find difficult to pronounce.